Sunday, June 27, 2010

Sometimes the rest of your life starts with goodbye....

My best friends left Israel a couple weeks ago. They left and went back to America, back to the rest of their lives. I miss them always. This is what I wrote after I got home from saying goodbye.


They said making Aliyah would be difficult. They said maybe it wasn’t worth it, because of how hard it would be. I thought they were talking about setting up my bank account, getting my health insurance, learning the language…

I thought I had succeeded and proved them wrong. See? I did it. I did it all, and never once did I regret my decision to move here. I thought they were crazy, those people who told me not to do it. Israel is our home, I would say. It’s where we belong. It’s where I’ve always wanted to be. Why should some “difficulties” hold me back from living my dream?

It was beautiful outside today. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and it was the kind of hot that made you want to lie outside for hours.

My best friends left me today. We grew up together. I’ve had almost 20 years of memories so far, and most of the amazing ones I’ve had they’ve been there for. The few that they’ve missed they heard about over midnight slurpees.

They all went back to America today. I watched them pack their things. I waited with them until their Nesher came to take them away. And then we said goodbye.

In high school, I said goodbye to my friends more times than I can count, but I was always the one leaving. I always knew I would come back for Chagim, I would come back for summers. I always knew I would come back. This time, I can’t come back. This time, our lives are about to change, and our time as “us” is over. I don’t doubt for a moment that we’ll all stay friends. That’s not over. But those midnight talks, those spur of the moment sleepovers, those days we spent driving our lives away in circles – those times are over. The years when they knew every detail of every moment that happened in my life – that’s gone. Now, we’re just part of each other’s worlds but no longer main characters in them. That’s why when we said goodbye this time, it felt different. And that’s why I couldn’t stop crying. And that’s why, for the first time since September, I wondered if I made the right choice by moving here.

I’m listening to my ipod on shuffle, and Zac Brown Band is telling me how much he likes his chicken fried. That song always puts me in a good mood, but now I’m just thinking about how I don’t really know what chicken fried is.

I’ll miss them a lot. We had a great last day together, looking at pictures from the past and talking about our fears for the future. We all gave so much of ourselves to each other over the past 19 years, and now that they’re gone, it feels as though a part of me has gone too.

It’s hard when life changes. It’s hard when you can’t stop it from going places you aren’t ready to be. But at the same time, Hashem has given me the most amazing life path I could possibly have. I just have to trust Him that everything will turn out okay. I know I’m not alone, but I cant help but feel lonely.

The next stage of my life is about to begin, and although I’m still crying because I miss you, I can’t wait to see where it takes me.

I love you guys, and I miss you, and I will think about you every day.

3 comments:

  1. now you have me crying too!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Shev,

    I am weeping on the inside

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dear Shev,

    I am not a jerk... And yes, I do have a soul

    ReplyDelete